MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING?

As part of my online searches to discover new information about pregnancy loss research, coping strategies and management I stumbled upon an interesting thread of comments.

This comments thread was in response to a news article in The Guardian online. The article was about a lady who, after suffering multiple losses, decided to organise across the United Kingdom different commemorative services where people could come to say goodbye to their unborn babies. An opportunity, if you may, to have a “funeral” for the pregnancy loss and hopefully leave with some form of closure.

What sparked the debate was someone wondering if services like this would just make too much about an issue no one used to talk about in the past. Women would have a miscarriage, be it early or late or even have a stillbirth and the healthcare team would just pretty much clean her up and send her home. It seemed that this person was pining for such simpler times when people did not talk so much about their feelings and go on and on about the babies they lost.

The responses to this comment ranged from vehement disapproval: “you have obviously never lost a pregnancy!” (It turns out the person commenting never had, go figure!) to guarded support: “some women do take it too far”.

I do think times have changed. I think that the inevitable consequence of a society where women have a voice is that women will speak. At a time when, in the Western part of the world at least, women are educated, enlightened and empowered, people have to deal with the fact that these women will highlight issues that are important to them.

I have written already about the disenfranchised grief of pregnancy loss and so it should come as no surprise that I wholeheartedly support the idea of an avenue that permits women (and those close to them) to grieve.

I grant that there is a danger (in some circles) to talk this issue of pregnancy loss to death but from personal experience and from talking to others who have gone through it as well, there is a more present danger (especially where I come from) of not talking about it enough.

If, in Nigeria and other parts of developing society, we aspire to “promote gender equality and empower women” (MDG-3), then we need to find out and talk about the issues that are important to women – not just avoiding death but coping with life.